Life's Mysteries
by Cristalake
Summary: Calvin asks himself some questions about adults, life and the universe in general. This fic will probably never end. I'll just keep adding chapters forever if you just R&R!
1. You'll know when your older

I still can't believe that the first fanfiction I'm ever going to publish is a Calvin and Hobbes fic pouts. Well, This idea has been bugging me for a while so I'm finally going to stop procrastinating and write it down .

Disclaimer: I'm not close to being funny enough to own Calvin and Hobbes.

"You know what I really hate!", said Calvin to the empty air.

"I hate it when grown-ups say that I'm too young to understand or that I'll know when I'm older. When they say that it usually means that they don't know or they don't want to answer. I mean, seriously, if they don't know, why don't they just _say so_!"

Calvin huffed in an exasperated manner.

Just then, Hobbes walked into the room, pen and paper in hand.

"Hey Calvin. What's 2+8?"

"You'll know when your older", Calvin replied promptly.

There we go. My first (really short) fic. Please review cuz if you do I'll know I have _some_ talent and I'll write some more (not necessarily Calvin and Hobbes) but if you don't I'll suppose I suck and I won't write anything and I'll get depressed so push on the pretty button, ok! Thx


	2. The Universe

Here's chapter2. On the same day!!! As you can guess, I don't own Calvin and Hobbes.

"Hey Hobbes", said Calvin as he walked into his room.

Hobbes looked up from the book he was doodling on.

"I was wondering", started Calvin. " After the Universe there's nothing right?"

"Right" agreed Hobbes as he wondered where Calvin was heading.

"Ok. So logically nothing would be transparent right?"

"Right", Hobbes agreed warily.

"Well then if it's transparent, that means there's something after the Nothing who's after the Universe because if there wasn't we wouldn't see anything and it would be not nothing but not something. Right?"

"Right", said Hobbes slowly as he nodded, trying (and failing) to comprehend what Calvin was saying.

"Following that theory, I would have to affirm that after the Universe there's Nothing after which there's Something but I don't know what or, on the contrary, after the Universe, there's Nothing but Nothing looks like _something_ in which case I want to know what it is."

Calvin took a deep breath to get some air in his system then grinned widely at Hobbes.

"So what do you think?"

Hobbes looked confused for a while then gave Calvin the face he used when he was giving him a very complex (and usually wrong) answer to a particularly complicated math problem.

"Well it's obvious", he said.

"It is?", asked Calvin.

Hobbes nodded. "After the Universe, there's a beach filled with tuna sandwiches."

Calvin gave him a flat look. "Spoken like a true tiger", he said. He then proceeded to turn towards the (more important) manners of reading his latest comic book.

Voila! Chapter 2. This is actually a question I've asked myself. If you didn't get it and you want an explication leave a review with your name and I'll send you an explication. As always, _**REVIEW!**_ it would make my day! XD


	3. Spots

Here comes chapter 3! Once again, I don't own Calvin and Hobbes!

"Hey Hobbes", called Calvin, interrupting his furry friend's ritualistic Tuna Eating.

"Your a tiger right?"

Hobbes gave himself a quick look-over. "Why yes I am", he declared proudly, puffing out his chest.

"Tigers are related to leopards right?"

"Yes. I had a cousin (thrice removed) who was a leopard but we never talk about him. Not since the _incident_."

Calvin made a mental note to have Hobbes tell him about the _incident_ at a later time.

"Do leopards shed their fur like tigers?"

"Of course", Hobbes answered in a "duh" tone. "All cats do."

"Ah ha! I knew it! The saying A leopard never changes his spots _isn't_ true!"

"Why do you say that?", Hobbes asked.

"If a leopard sheds his fur then his spots aren't always the same so a leopard _can_ change his spots!"

Hobbes gave him an odd look. "I guess", he said finally. Calvin left the room to go fetch some cookies from the kitchen. Hobbes shook his head. "I'll never understand where he gets these ideas", he said before going back to the eating his tuna sandwich.


	4. The Grocery Bags

OMC! I can't believe it! Someone added me to their alert list! beams I'm so proud sniff. This chapter is out for the person who did so 9but please review this time cuz you didn't!) If you added me on your list so you could laugh at my abysmal "writing talent", then... the chapter's out anyway!

Here goes!

Calvin walked through the front door and took of his rain coat, flinging it at the floor. He then proceeded to walk to his room, ignoring the dark glare sent at his back by his mother who had just come in, her arms loaded with grocery bags.

Up in his room, Calvin found Hobbes sitting at he desk, pouring over his homework. He cast a suspicious look at the room. Nothing _seemed_ to be out of order . Hobbes must have decided to de his homework out of the sheer goodness of his heart.

Calvin grinned widely.

"Hey thanks old buddy!", he said.

"No problem", replied Hobbes casually as he turned to face him, his elbow going to rest on the desk behind him.

"How was shopping. Did you bring tuna", he inquired.

"Shopping was interesting. I realized that..."

"Interesting as in I got lots of tuna but they changed the colors of the cans... right", said Hobbes as he barred his wickedly sharp teeth at Calvin in a threatening manner.

Calvin rolled his eyes. He had become desensitized to such threats. It came with being the best friend of a man-eating beast for as long as he could remember.

"Yes Hobbes I got the tuna, but that's..."

"Good", interrupted his furry friend once more. "I was starting to get worried."

"Can I _please_ finish what I'm saying", asked Calvin, annoyed.

"Let me think about it", said Hobbes pensively.

Calvin glared.

"Oh alright. You can", he agreed grudgingly.

"Great! Well, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted", here he gave a pointed glare at his innocent (for a tiger) looking friend, "I helped Mom do the shopping"

Hobbes snorted. Calvin gave his a dark look.

"As I was _saying_, I helped mom do the shopping and then I sat in the cart. The thing is, after she- I mean **we**- finished putting everything into plastic bags, I didn't have any room to sit anymore. In fact, we had to get an extra basket cuz there wasn't enough room to put everything. It happened to all the other shoppers too. I wonder why things always take more place _after_ we've bagged them, no matter _how_ meticulously we place them?"

"Couldn't tell you", Hobbes replied, taking on a haughty air. "We tiger don't use plastic bags. We rip the meat directly from the bones of our unfortunate victims."

Calvin made a face. "You know what, I think I'll stick to PB&J sandwiches", he said before exiting the room.

"If Mom throws out one more of my comics though, I may convert in my eating habits. I swear, the things are disappearing from my very bedroom", he said ferociously from the hallway.

Hobbes waited till his footsteps had gone away and grinned sheepishly at the empty air.

"Good thing he didn't find out that I'm the one who takes them yet", he said to himself.

He took a comic book out from behind Calvin's math book and, after casting a furtive look out the door to make sure he wouldn't be caught, stated to read.

Here we go! Chapter 4! I hope I get some reviews for this one lol please let me know if you think this is funny cuz I really don't know how I am. I'm more of a dry wit and sarcasm person. Also, comments on my writing style and suggestions for future chapters would be greatly appreciated. Thanks a Mill to anyone reading this! I hope it's worth your time.


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